Visiting Teaching . . .

It's the 20th, and I have my visiting teaching done - first time in my life!! (that it's been this early in the month). Granted, I have never been a regular with visiting teaching until I was paired up with an amazing companion, Jessica L. Visiting Teaching is an opportunity in the church to visit a few assigned sisters in the ward with a message prepared by church leaders monthly. Since being companions with Jessica the last 6 months or so, I have come a long way in my visiting teaching efforts.

Tonight's visits were with my favorite 6 month pregnant lady (who I'm totally fine with as far as jealousy goes and my recent bitterness toward pregnant strangers.) and a new sister we were recently assigned to. This month's lesson is how each sister is loved by her heavenly parents and has a divine destiny. What an inspired message just for me, this month! As the sisters were sharing different experiences about when they've asked 'why?' in their lives because they don't understand why their life is going in a direction they were expecting, etc I was really fighting the tears back. And then it came to a point where it was my turn to put a few words into the conversation. Well . . . I shared the quote by President Faust, "A conviction that you are a daughter of God gives you a feeling of comfort in your self-worth. It means that you can find strength in the balm of Christ. It will help you meet the heartaches and challenges with faith and serenity." I was then planning to share how I am able to remember that same conviction and faith easily and most assuredly when I read my Patriarchal Blessing. And then I lost it . . .

You see, the morning of the day we found out we were pregnant, I got up a little earlier than usual (that means like 10:00am) on that Sunday morning and turned on the Mo Tab music, and read my patriarchal blessing for the first time in a while. I have a very special blessing and I love to read it. Sharing this with the sisters tonight (they didn't know I was going through anything) really got me emotional and I told them what I was going through and how I wanted to ask so many 'why me?' questions lately. That was a good release for me. And I am so grateful I was able to have that experience. I was also able to talk to a sister who has had a lot of difficulty in this area too, and I look at their situation and count my blessings. There are just so many different lives, we are all so different. No one's plan or journey in life is the same - why do I compare myself so much then!?! It is so hard for me!

In my mind, this was an evening of 3 hours of needed therapy for me. I'm not sure I feel better in anyway, about anything . . . but I think it still did some good, at least I got more emotionas out instead of bottling them. After all, I am hormonally still 4 weeks pregnant. Also, last month we went visiting teaching on the Tuesday (the 31st) two days after we found out we were prego. It was a message about how amazing our physical bodies are that Heavenly Father has blessed us with. That was before I knew anything was wrong and was so excited to be pregnant! No one else knew but close family, and when we taught our expecting Visiting Teachee I had a special enthusiasm and excitement in me to share about how special it is that she has a little human growing in her and how amazing that is, when I was really thinking how amazing it is that I had a little human growing inside of me!

Anyway, I'm grateful for the recent growth in my life about Relief Soceity's inspired Visiting Teaching 'program'. And especially grateful for Father's love he has shown me through this difficult and learning time in my life. It was a semi hard day for me earlier, tonight's events were helpful in this little healing process I'm stuck in the middle of. I just need to keep realizing and counting my blessings . . . one by one.